I've come to the inevitable conclusion that Korea is, in fact, a fantasy land. Not in the strange costume way, but in the I-keep-pinching-myself-to-know-I'm-not-dreaming kind of way. Why is Korea so strange and magical? Let me count thy ways.
1. The Kids
Let me start with my 4:00 boys, who are, to be fair, dudes I would have chilled with back in my early adolescence for sure. I dig having class with them for a multitude of reasons, but one of them is the discussions we get to have. Their English and intellect is to a point where, one boy (whose name is Robin, short for Robin Hood) did a presentation on this guy John Titor, the self-proclaimed time traveler from the year 2036. This led us to a discussion of time travel and if it was, indeed, possible. I got to talk about the mad scientist paradox (the idea that if you go back in time and kill yourself, you never could have gone back in time in the first place) and they were just eating it up. Even better, they were understanding it. But it's not all nerdy stuff. The boys had an open discussion over which was more important - identity or life. In English. They made some profound points. One boy (Austin, which I can only think is short for Austin Powers) used a quote that was something along the lines of "Without identity, you're already dead." Yeah, smart 12 year olds.
Also - I've been tutoring this one boy, Jamie, one-on-one. He's a good kid, and a smart kid, but very slow to speak. I tried everything to get him talk, from encouraging him to beating him, but nothing seemed to work. He'd say a little here, a little there, but mostly, long pauses and short answers. That was until I saw that he had a Simpsons pencil case. So of course, with my nerd factor on overdrive, I asked him if he liked the Simpsons. I don't think anyone reading this is unfamiliar with my unhealthy addiction to the Simpson family, so with that knowledge in mind, when he said "yes," I got a brainstorm.
"Jamie," I say. "What's your favorite episode of the Simpsons? Can you describe it to me from start to finish?"
Man that boy got talking. And given my intimate knowledge with the subject matter, I never had to not worry about knowing the episode he's talking about. Now every Tuesday and Thursday, he's required to watch an episode and be ready to give me a full synopsis.
2. The Fruit
It's just better. I don't know if it's fresher or more natural or just because it's new, but it's better. I've already discussed at length the Naju Pear, quite a treat, but two other fruits rocked me.
The first is their versions of the grape. It's fantastic. You know how ours can sometimes taste kind of dried out on the outside? The Korean grape is blue and loaded with a mushy, juicy, flavor explosion the likes my taste buds have not seen before. It has a crunchy seed on the inside and just really changes your perception of what a grape should be.
Even more impressive is a fruit called a persimmon, I believe, and if you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it. Haven't seen it in the States, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist there. It's kind of like an apple that's shaped like a small pumpkin and has the consistency of a potato. And it's a dry fruit. I know, your mouth isn't watering yet. But, the flavor is out of this world. It has a muted apple taste, but almost as if it were blended with cinnamon. That's right sports fans, if you like apple cinnamon in its most natural form, this fruit does it. And here, they make a tea out of it that is perhaps the most autumn tasting thing I've ever had. When I drink it, I feel like I'm frolicking through a pumpkin patch while colorful dead leaves fall all around me.
And if you think that's strange, try this tea. I defy you not to have the same flowery image running through your head.
3. Korean TV Commercials
Oh yeah. Korean TV Commercials. For anyone who ever got sick of seeing the same American commercials over and over again, out here, it's worse. There's WAY fewer brands out here. I know them all very well, though I have no idea what they're saying.
They range from extremely annoying (but catchy) and colorful commercials about cell phones to old, OLD American jeans commercials, (from like five years ago) that they recycle for Korean use. But one in particular is of note.
The Cass Lite commercial. Cass Lite is a Korean beer, kind of the generic pitcher beer, like our Bud Light. The beer's okay, but the commercial is wonderful. It begins with these two office workers discussing something in Korean when their friend, a fat man, rips off his shirt to reveal a plastic outer covering of fake muscles. Then it goes into a dream sequence where the song "You are my Destiny" is playing in the background while he drinks Cass Lie with ten ripped Korean male models. It says "Cass Lite!" and shows the beer. Then it ends with my favorite moment. The three office guys dancing, holding a six pack of beer up to their bellies and saying "six pack! six pack!" as if they had six pack abs. The best part is, with a Korean accent, they say "shhiicks pack! shhiicks pack!"
If you want to see this spectacle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoTtYz28OCA. It's worth it.
But the great part about commercials is they usually take place after TV shows and movies. That's right, you pretty much get no commercial interruption while watching CSI Miami or Cold Case or Law and Order or whatever your fancy is (there's a lot of American crime shows on out here). It's a beautiful thing.
Most of the other commercials feature the K-Pop Girl Groups, which leads me to:
4. The Girl Groups
They're so hot. And there are so many of them. Girl's Generation, as seen below:
Should speak for itself, but they're everywhere. So are the flamboyant boy bands. 4min is seen below:
That's right people. Korean music, or K-Pop, is about ten years behind the times. We had our Destiny's Child and N'Sync - and they decided a decade later that was cool.
But really, the girl groups are something of note. They are in every commercial, on every billboard, they are just about everywhere. And their music is catchy as hell and usually contain great English lines. Miss A, in my opinion the best, released this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RCYNBCsWuo , entitled "Good Girl, Bad Girl." Worth checking out, fellas. Hell, ladies, take a look.
Leaves me wanting more. I love them all very much. There's also a song featuring a line that goes something like "Officer Dan, Super Player Man." Anyone who knows me will realize that line pleases me to no end.
BTW - the girls in Miss A range in age from 23-16. I dare you to figure out which is which. It just proves my point that Korean girls hit age 16 and look like that til they're 44.
5. The Random People I Meet
Just like anywhere else, Korea is loaded with excellent people. Here are three notable ones:
The Pizza Guy Who Lives Near Me: There's this guy who runs a pizza shop near my house. The pizza is mediocre, nothing worth writing home about, but the Pizza Guy himself is a treat. He can't speak hardly any English, but he knows the English names to every peice of American pop culture and everything about any American sports team. You want to ask him if he has a wife and kids, and he'll look at you like you're speaking gibberish. If you want him to list the starting line-up to the Boston Celtics or want him to act out Piranha 3D, he's on it like white on rice. He also has a habit of pausing mid-sentence, saying nothing for half a minute at a time, and then breaking into wild, hyena laughter for some existential reason. I dig this guy.
Bus Guy: Coming back from Busan, I got stuck with a seat next to a rando. The rando turned out to be Bus Guy, a cat who I had no problem talking to for a solid four hours. As soon as he said he loved the show Top Gear, we were in business. We spent the duration of the bus ride having one of those wonderfully shallow conversations that makes you feel good to be alive. What'd we talk about? Girls, cars, movies, girls, drinking, and of course, girls. I was craving such a conversation.
Miss Lee: I call her because her first name was just too damn hard to say at first. I met her in a place called Bubble Bar when she charged into the men's room yelling "I didn't see anything! The line's too bloody long in the lady's room!" You don't see to many Koreans with an Australian accent, so I had to ask her about it. I ran into her twenty minutes later and we got talking. She's gorgeous, criminally insane, and prefers "red cordial in her pints" (which means grenadine in her beer, for my fellow Americans). But she's a cool girl. She keeps me out drinking til the wee hours of the morning and is training right now to be one of the future government officials of Korea. And to my lovely Grandma, Betty, before you think I've found a Korean bride that won't ever let me come back to the States, she's got a long time boyfriend. Which leads me to my favorite reason why Korea is a fantasy land.
6. Being a Young American Guy Here
I was out for a drink (many drinks) on a Saturday (Tuesday) night with Miss Lee. We wound up at some random chicken place at three in the morning. To our left was a table of three girls, to our right was three guys. I don't quite remember how it got started, but I think I said "hi" to the girls at the next table. They made nice small talk with me for a little bit in whatever English they knew. Then Miss Lee proceeded to tell them we were just friends (i.e. I was single). As soon as that was known, the girls (who were quite lovely), started asking me which one I thought was the prettiest. After a long deliberation, I chose the tall one with brown hair. This caused quite a stir. Then they wanted to know which one of them could have my number, each giving reasons why I should give it to her rather than her friends. Meanwhile, the guys at the table next to our right just kept cheering me on saying "you're so handsome!" and "how is my English?"
Let me remind my readers that this was not a dream. I pinched myself several times that night, then looked around for the hidden cameras. Finding none, a smile came to my face.
Long story short: this place is no good for my ego.
But that's enough for today. I have a feeling I'm in for a rude awakening in the not too distant future. In the mean time, however, I'll keep riding this strange dream of a country. Worst thing out here in recent days is that Kimchi prices have risen to an all time high.
All jokes aside - it's not all delicious food and beautiful women fighting over me. It's wonderful when it is, but sometimes I do actually work, sometimes I get lonely, and sometimes it's actually kinda lame (I spent this last Saturday watching Iron Man and went to bed at 1:00 AM). But it's just like anything else in life. I'll leave you with a quote by my hero, on this topic of taking the good with the bad and having a zest for life all the same.
"I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue noses with my cocky stride and musky odors- Oh I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tounges, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this 'Homer Simpson'?" - Homer Simpson
Chew on that one for a while my friends. I miss and love you all.
-The Dreamer
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